My Fair Lady

Yesterday I had a booth at the first Ventura County Book & Author Fair. There were some freakin’ awesome people there. Sorry, I do say “freakin’ awesome” in real life even though I’m a grownup. I have no other way to describe certain things. I try not to say “amazing,” because it’s overused. I also try not to be pretentious and use adjectives that are as multisyllabic as multisyllabic, because I hate that and also because I don’t know any.

A huge thanks to the nice people who bought my book. I appreciate your generous support. I also greatly appreciated everyone who cracked up the minute they saw the book’s title. Bummer I don’t get royalties just for making people laugh. I’d be able to quit my day job.

Thanks also to everyone who came by and said hi and told me they like my newspaper column. That means a lot to me and keeps me going, particularly when I’m struggling to keep my topics fresh.

I shared the booth with a Holocaust survivor. Here’s the link to his memoir. Manny and his wife Mimi and their family were lovely and didn’t seem to mind our incongruous pairing, which I was stressing about for two days prior to the fair, wondering how tasteless my book was going to appear next to his. I shouldn't have worried. We even traded books. I wrote in their copy of I MURDERED THE PTA: “For Manny and Mimi – Do not read this book!”

Across the way from me were actor/drummer/author Mickey Jones and his wife Phyllis. They were very kind and a lot of fun. Phyllis and her daughter and granddaughter had come to see me at my Pasadena book signing, just to support a Simi Valley author. How freakin' awesome is that? (Sorry. But it is.) I didn’t know then that she was Mickey’s wife. Everyone loves Mickey and a ton of folks stopped by his booth to tell him so. You’ve seen him in a lot of TV shows and films, but he’s probably best remembered for a recurring role in the sitcom Home Improvement. Here's a pic of us from yesterday.

(For my fashionista friends: ‘50s black eyelet "wiggle" dress, ‘50s pink sweater, ‘40s wristlet corde purse on a modern belt. Not pictured: The coolest Doc Martens boots ever.)

In the booth next to mine were comedy writer Gene Perret and his daughter Linda Perret. I met Gene and Linda years ago and they are very gracious.

The fair had many authors, publicists, writers’ organizations and more. If you live in the area and you didn’t go, you really missed out.

The place was jumpin’ with wannabe writers and those with published works who were trying to learn ways to promote. There was a lot of energy in that auditorium and I shared as much as I could about the industry and learned quite a bit from others' experiences.

If you’re an aspiring author, here are a couple of things that were hot topics among the attendees.

1. It’s really hard to get published, no matter how fabulous your work is or how much on-the-job experience you have. You already know this from what I’ve told you in this blog, but the people I talked to yesterday totally backed me up. Normally, I would say “I WIN” here (like the 12-year-old-in-a-40-something-body that I am), but I don’t think this counts as a win. If Snooki can have a New York Times Best Seller, then something is very wrong with this big-haired, obnoxious, orange picture.
2. If you do get published, everyone wants a free book. They don’t understand that you have to pay for copies. (Unless you’re Snooki.)
3. It doesn’t matter how big your publisher is, there is no marketing budget. In-house publicists are being laid off all over the place. You, the author, are on your own for publicizing your book, so you better figure out creative ways to do so.
4. Those who have looked down on print-on-demand publishing are going to start changing their tune. A major bookstore I contacted did not want to host a signing for me because my publisher uses p.o.d. technology. I heard a rumor yesterday that a huge, well-known publishing house is going to switch to that method. So there.
5. I just wanted to have a number 5. I don’t really have anything else to say, except that book signings, fairs and other events are hit or miss. This wasn’t a big score in terms of the number of books I sold, but the people I met and the ones I reconnected with made it a freakin' awesome day.